SEXUALITY AFTER CHILDBIRTH

After the birth of a baby, many factors may contribute to changes in your sexual relationship. These may include:

• Exhaustion due to the birth, demands of a new baby and lack of sleep. Some mothers feel sleep and time for themselves are more important than sex and sexual activity with their partners.
• Discomfort from an episiotomy or tear; this can last for several weeks or even months after stitches have dissolved, and can make sex and sexual activity painful for some women.
• Discomfort from a Caesarean section incision.
• Lower estrogen levels in a breastfeeding mother may lead to less vaginal lubrication and therefore, dryness and tenderness during sex and sexual activity.
• Weaker and shorter orgasms.
• Leaking of breast milk during sex, sexual activity and orgasm may be pleasurable or annoying.
• Distraction of a crying baby or thinking that the baby will cry.
• Less interest in sex by a mother who may feel that her needs for physical closeness are being met by the baby; she may feel more maternal and less sexual.
• Feelings of being less desirable due to weight gain, stretch marks or scars.
• Fear on the part of the man of hurting his partner.
• Feelings, positive or negative, about the birth experience that can affect both partners.

What You Can Do:

• Discuss openly with your partner your feelings about resuming sex and sexual activity. Acknowledge each other’s sexual needs.
• Learn to share the responsibilities of caring for the baby.
• Plan times to make love when you are least likely to be interrupted and you are as rested as possible.
• If leaking breast milk bothers you, try nursing your baby just before lovemaking or simply wear a bra with breast pads.
• Try being sensual by kissing, cuddling, or touching, as a way to express yourselves sexually. Couples who are sensual with each other tend to have sex more often.
• Resume sex and sexual activity when you are both ready and when bleeding has stopped and healing is complete. Healing may take up to 6 weeks. You may choose to wait until after your 4-6 week check-up with your gynecologist.
• Positions in which you can control the depth of penetration (e.g. woman on top) may help you feel more comfortable. Experiment to find what works best.
• A cushion under your hips may reduce pressure on the tender area where there has been an episiotomy or tear.
• If you have had a Caesarean Section, positions that do not put pressure on the abdomen (e.g. lying side by side) are helpful. Experiment to find what works best.
• Using a water soluble lubricant such as Astroglide or KY Jelly on the penis and vagina and engaging in more prolonged, gentle foreplay may help with vaginal dryness.
• To relax together, try meditation, deep breathing exercises, or massaging one another.
• Be realistic. Don’t expect a “perfect” first sexual experience after the baby is born.
• Look for other ways to satisfy your sexual needs, such as oral sex.
• Be patient. Your body has an amazing capacity for healing. However, if you are still experiencing pain six months after childbirth, discuss this with your doctor.
• Make sure you use an appropriate contraceptive if you wish to avoid another pregnancy at this time.

For more information:

• Call the North Bay Parry Sound District Health Unit at 474-1400 or 1-800-563-2808 to speak to a Public Health Nurse

REFERENCES
Ahlborg, T., Rudeblad, K., Linnér, S., & Linton, S. (2008). Sensual and sexual marital contentment in parents of small children: A follow-up study when the first child is four years old. Journal of Sex Research, 45(3), 295-304. Retrieved July 14, 2009, from EBSCOhost.

Murkoff, H., Eisenberg, A., & Hathaway, S. (2002). What to expect when you’re expecting (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Workman Publishing.